


Midnight Emotions

by Glass_Stars



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Depression, Everyone Needs A Hug, F/F, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mantis is underrated, Nebula is a good girlfriend, Suicidal Thoughts, self harm attempt, self harm mention
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-19
Updated: 2019-04-28
Packaged: 2020-01-16 11:55:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,034
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18521014
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Glass_Stars/pseuds/Glass_Stars
Summary: Mantis used to see Drax and his intricate red tattoos, his loud laugh and dark golden eyes daring. Now the red is the color of his family’s blood, his small smile of wistfulness like daggers and his amber eyes regretful with deep loss.This new knowledge intrigues her, and now she’s curious...  what emotions does her new family feel inside?However, she knows that sometimes her powers of contact make others around her... uncomfortableSo she decides to give them some privacy and do it while they sleep so they won’t know she’s doing it. Sleeping, she feels, is when the emotions are strongest and most pure.Their grief and pain is so much more than she could ever imagine.





	1. Bruce Banner- Isolation

**Author's Note:**

> TW: Mention of a suicide attempt

Bruce Banner is smart.

Really, _really_ smart. 

So is Tony Stark, but he kind of unnerves her. Tony doesn’t seem to like her all that much, but many people tend to avoid her or step carefully when she’s around. Nebula tells her that they don’t want her to find out what they hide. 

_“Everyone is hurt,” Nebula tells her. “For some reason those idiots think that no one will understand.”_ “I can _understand,” Mantis perked up, smiling hopefully. “Maybe I can help them, and-!” Nebula is already shaking her head. “Don’t,” she sighs. “Not everyone is beautiful on the inside.”_ _  
_

Mantis loves Nebula, but she can’t be right this time, can she? Nebula wasn’t even aware of her own beauty until Mantis told her. Even now she knows Nebula still isn’t confident in herself, still shys away from strangers and meets their eyes with aloofness. She doesn’t smile or laughs like she does around her.

Bruce kind of reminds her of Nebula, in a way. He’s quiet too, and sometimes fades into the background and only reappears when he’s talking. Everyone else is bright and loud and outspoken but he’s just there. He smiles at her, even though sometimes it’s nervous and wary. It’s more than what some people will do.

He doesn’t look troubled when he sleeps. A thin slice of moonlight from behind the curtain catches on his dark, graying curls and his tired face and in this moment he’s the most important character.

Mantis smiles. Everyone deserves a chance to be loved. 

She takes a deep breath, because she doesn’t know what to expect, and places a gentle hand on Bruce’s shoulder, leaning her powers into him. Instantly she is swept off her feet into a cyclone of images and feelings. But they are so solid and parallel that she feels greatly overwhelmed.

_Then she feels anger, burning in the pit of her stomach and it claws at her throat and she screams it out, until her throat feels raw and on fire, and tears sting from her eyes, but no one hears, the shadows keep walking past with their shadowed eyes and cold hearts._

_She feels desperation, to be loved and cared about, she’s been yearning for it all her life._

_This is a different kind of determination, one that leaves her with no energy and she wants to crumple to her knees. Something dark and weary has settled in her heart, and it hurts to breathe. She wants to stop the pain, the one that tears through her and makes her want to throw up. She knows Bruce settled for a bullet._

_She wants to be held, but there is no one there._

_There is only a void of darkness, and a shadow hovering over her head like a storm cloud, reminding her every minute what a failure and what a monster she is._

_Who will love a monster?_

Mantis shudders away from Bruce, chills creeping across her skin, her throat abnormally dry. She is trembling, and her heart beats are erratic. She shivered, and still the feeling of isolation did not leave her. 

_Who will love a monster?_

Is that how they see _her?_  Dread curls in her stomach, leaving her scared and confused. _I don’t look like them either, but I thought that didn’t matter…_

Maybe _she_ is the one who is more like Bruce.

Alone. Different. _Unlovable._

_That’s not true,_ her mind argued back. _Look at Nebula. She loves you._

_She_ _loves_ _me_.

_She_ _loves_ _me_.

Mantis chants the words in her head as she backed away from Bruce, still feeling a bit ill as she remembers the bullet.

He tried to take his own life. Because he thought no one would care.

But he’s still alive. That means he is still loved.

She hopes he knows.

She’ll tell him tomorrow, she decides. _I care. I understand._

And she will understand more once she receives the other emotions.


	2. Peter Parker- Insecurity

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for depressed thoughts

Mantis finds new strength when she arrives in Peter’s room. He is a ‘teenager’, with a youth and energy like her’s, and she is curious to see what emotions he has for it.

He was scared of her, at first. He had some sort of belief that she would “plant eggs in his chest.” Thankfully that state is over, and he is one of the few people who are genuinely kind to her, whose smiles aren't laced with disdain but care. He teaches her new things about Earth, and he shows her all the best places. Gardens filled with flowers and sunsets from the city and the different names of the stars.

She is wary, of course. Isolation has made her a bit cautious, but Peter looks peaceful in his sleep, his eyes closed lightly, his blanket tugged up over his body and under his chin, gentle breaths exhaling from his mouth.

Do either of them have anything to fear?

Mantis sidles up, and with a small smile she lightly touches her hand to his forehead. She is unprepared for what pain slams upon her.

_Questions. Concerns. Fears._

_She can hardly speak- these worries build up thickly in her throat and overcrowd her mind in agony and her vision swims. She feels sick, and lost, and overwhelmed, her breaths coming out irregular and her heart bursting in her chest._

_Am I good enough?_

_Do they like me?_

_Should I stop talking?_

_Am I worth it?_

_Am I important?_

_Why am I here?_

_They’re all better than me, aren’t they?_

_Am I nobody?_

_They pierce Mantis like daggers, causing her to cry out each time, and she collapses onto her knees, puts her hands over her ears and tries to block them but they won’t,_ can’t _, be stopped, they bleed from her mouth in ink._

_Do I need to do more?_

_Should I ask for help?_

_Do your best._

_Do your best._

_Do your best._

_It isn’t enough._

_I’m not enough._

_Peter just smiles, and no one can tell the difference. They expect him to smile. There’s nothing wrong with him. If he was sad and lonely, they wouldn’t understand. They would say there’s something wrong_ in _him. He’s broken. They don’t look for it, so he doesn’t say anything._

_You can’t let them down._

_You have to be better then this._

_What do I need to live for?_

_Mantis can’t even scream for help. She wants to. But why would anyone care?_

Mantis jerks from Peter’s emotions, her eyes stinging with tears and a muffled sob escaping her lips. Her eyes blur, and she knows she needs to leave. She can’t understand… she doesn’t understand what she can’t understand.

She’s just confused, and insecure.

She stumbles away, sick to her stomach, and Peter doesn’t stir. Mantis doesn’t see him as peaceful now.


	3. Natasha Romanov- Vulnerability

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for... blood?
> 
> Also, just to clarify a few things...
> 
> 1.) I don’t mean Vulnerability as in “weak”, but as in the fact that Natasha never lets anyone see her pain or comfort her, however /she/ is the one who supports her teammates time and time again 
> 
> 2.) Three days until Endgame!: Whenever you may see it, PLEASE DO NOT PUT SPOILERS IN THE COMMENTS. We will all watch it at different times, (I’m watching it this Sunday) so just be respectful that some people may not want to hear about what happens except for on their own terms. Thank you!

Mantis heads next to two of the most focused and confident Avengers- the ones called Natasha Romanoff and Clint Barton. Mantis likes them, though the blonde-red-headed girl gives her uneasy looks, but is stoically kind nonetheless. She admires Natasha’s honorability and strong-willed personality; she doesn’t let anyone push her around or tell her what to do, and Mantis hopes to become brave and respected like that.

She can't imagine what plagues beneath her exterior. Her fingertips brush Natasha's platinum blonde crown, and she is swept from reality.

_She’s bleeding._

_Bleeding from her heart, it drips onto the ground from an invisible wound from her chest._

_She’s bleeding._

_Her head hurts, like her thoughts are shards of glass and cutting her mind and the blood is spilling from her mouth._

_She’s bleeding._

_She can’t stop trembling, either, each beat of her heart throbbing and raw and sending her into another spiral of dizziness._

_She feels an awful fear that chokes her. The blood is overcoming her. It is a warning._

_She is a sacrifice for all those lives she took with her own hands, and she can never wash the crimson away or stitch the gashes in her mind._

_The blood is starting to burn._

_Tears flood down her face, but she choking, unable to speak. She’s paralyzed, the blood is sticky and her vision is black and red_

_Anyone could see her, collapsed, shaking, alone, trapped in a suffocating glass box._

_She is vulnerable, and Natasha hates being vulnerable._

_She guards her past with a pistol._

_But she's only making it worse._

_She's spilling more blood, and if she can't control it…_

_Mantis's fear is so powerful it constricts her chest and for a dreadful moment, she chokes on the blood she caused to run and the tears that drip in her mouth._

_It will drown her._

Mantis is thrown from Natasha’s emotions, and she gasps for breath, still coughing and spluttering and a metallic scent hitting the roof of her mouth, and she shudders. She looks down at Natasha, and her stomach twists.

Natasha has a past scarred with blood, and she fears the red stains her hands. She is bold, loyal, sharp, and honorable, but she puts up a glass barrier because on the inside she is more vulnerable than anyone realizes. Well, maybe except for Clint. Tense, she turns to him next.


	4. Clint Barton- Haunted

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here’s a few fun facts:
> 
> 1.) Clint is my favorite Avenger and Marvel character, Wanda is my second
> 
> 2.) I’m not a Clintasha fan (at all) because I love Laura Barton and Clint’s family with all my heart, however I love Natasha acting as their kids’ aunt and being a strong presence in their lives 
> 
> 3.) After today I will have seen Endgame and be a changed person! I’m both excited and terrified because I really have no idea what’s going to happen. And then I’ll need to scream/cry/sing/rant/“discuss” with someone else.
> 
> 4.) So see you guys later! (And Four is my favorite number so this works out perfectly)

Clint is the archer with wit, determination, loyalty and a family. Mantis admires him for that. She always wondered what emotions the young ones, called ‘babies,’ felt.

She also wishes he wouldn’t look so uncomfortable around her, because it’s hard, liking other people and them not sure how to react to her. He’s seen some crazy things, and he just wants a break. He doesn’t want to be forgotten, either, he just wants some peace and tranquility, and who can blame him? She wants that, too, because she loves the world when it’s serene and welcoming. When it has no secrets or promises to hide from her.

But all heroes have their secrets, and the blonde, she knows, will have his own. She takes in a deep breath to steady herself on quivering legs and closes her eyes(unable to look at her hands for she still feels sick recalling the blood of vulnerability coating them), and she rests it lightly on his forehead.

_Immediately Mantis feels the cold slip into her, fluid like water and the fierce chills cause her to shiver violently._

_It’s in her mind, but it’s frozen in her heart, and with each beat the cold pulses, striking her like a harsh blow in the head and stomach and causing her to jerk away in recoil._

_Another beat, and another and she grows to passionately fear the moment before and when it jabs, hitting her painfully in the head._

_All while the cold holds her in its icy clasp._

_She can’t remember what if feels like to be warm, the chill striking her bones to the core and she shivers in jerks with her heart frozen numb._

_Oh, it does grow smaller with each breath-snatching beat, and it retreat to a small corner in her mind._

_But it’s like a virus._

_It’s always there, persistently nipping her and twitching in her mind’s corner, like a cold itch in her head, and trickles from her mouth with each shuddering exhale._

_It won’t leave, that’s the worst part. It reminds her of all the terror and guilt and pain Clint feels and has caused, and it haunts him relentlessly. They all have their own shields to hide behind, but Clint can’t outrun the memories and hurts no one can ever understand._

Mantis relapses from the emotions, her hands subconsciously gripping her head, and shuddering breaths, quick and fervent, exert from her body. She looks away from him in a vain attempt to forgot about the cold, but it’s lingering. Throbs in her head and the chill shoots down her spine.

He’s haunted. Like Natasha, he worries that he can never be free from the sins and demons of his past. It’s constantly with him, no matter how much he pushes it away- he doesn’t want it to take over his life. He just wants to hold those rare sunbeams close to his chest to drive out the blue cold, but he can’t. The frost is scarred into his soul and it can never be thawed.

It terrifies them both.


End file.
